Tales of the Parodyverse

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Al B. Harper - continues in his stubborn attempt to continue a 2005 PV Christmas story...
Mon Dec 26, 2005 at 10:31:27 pm EST
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A Very Parody Christmas - Part 3
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A Very Parody Christmas.

Part 3

Inside the mysterious wardrobe, after the door had slammed shut with a bang, it was, predictably, dark.

“Hey hands off.”

“Glory, is that you by my leg?”

“Ouch, that was my eye!”

“Forsooth, mine apologies fair one.”

“Err, that’s me you’re groping, you big lug.”

“Woof!”

The voice of Samantha Bonnington, Fashion Accessory, came somewhat muffled from the back of the wardrobe. “Guys, this way, follow my voice, you aren’t going to believe this!”

The others edged their way slowly towards her voice, somewhat concerned, by both the fact that Sam’s voice sounded further away than it should, and expecting to hit the back of the wardrobe at any second. Which of course, they didn’t…because the back was no longer there.

With a bump, a crunch, and a squeak (we think that was Ham Boy), they all suddenly felt themselves tumbling into, well, the unknown.



Meanwhile, back at the lighthouse.

In one of the ante chambers to the big round room, an eclectic group had been somewhat surreptitiously gathered together…

“Zis is truly a ztrange cuztom,” said Zdenka, also known as the Rabid Wolf, one of Candia’s greatest heroes, and Hatman’s date for the party.

“I agree,” said Chiaki Bushido, aka the Psychic Samurai, in her usual reserved manner. “I have been living here for some time now, and this custom has been unknown to me.” She looked at CrazySugarFreakBoy! with a raised eyebrow.

“We think it sounds fun!” giggled one of the green skinned Caphs to her sister. No one was sure which two they actually were, but two of them had also been cajoled to join this gathering.

“But, muzt ve do it vizout our clothez on?” asked Zdenka

“Trust me!” said Dream. “This is a local custom that goes back hundreds of years.” He was already stripped to his neon-orange boxer shorts. “We all know how important it is to continue with customs, right?”

At that moment Hatman walked into the room.

“Zdenka! There you are,” he said. “Come on, there’s someone I want to introduce you to.” He suddenly caught notice of Dream. “Err…what’s going on here?” he asked.

“Heh…Hiya Jay!” said Dream. “You’re just in time to join us for naked Twister, you know, the annual Christmas tradition…” He looked at Jay, trying to look innocent.

Hatman just rolled his eyes, and taking Zdenka by the hand, left the room. “He’s pulling your leg guys,” he called as he exited.

The other Caph giggled now. “Is ‘pulling the leg’ anything like when one must pull a man’s slark’dup right before rekelok?” she asked.

Chiaki didn’t look amused…



Meahwhile, back in the unknown.

The LLJuniors all rubbed their eyes to get accustomed to the bright sunlight they now found themselves in. When they could see again, they looked around to see Fashion Accessory standing before them on a bright sunny beach in what looked to be a beautiful Pacific setting. They looked around and could just make out the dark inside of the wardrobe in the rocks behind them.

“Summer?” queried Ham Boy.

“Isn’t it delicious!” expressed Sam. “We must be in the Antipodes. A real summer Christmas!”

“If we’re even still on Earth.” said Kerry, removing her woollen pullover.

The other Juniors likewise removed their warm clothing, except for Sam who just rearranged the molecules on hers, when suddenly, Rabito fell with a “plop” through the wardrobe-cave mouth. The purple-thought-creature took one look around, and promptly hopped off into the undergrowth at the end of the beach.

“Was that Rabito?” queried Hacker Nine.

“Me thinketh it was,” answered Harlagaz.

“Quick, we’d better get him, Yo will be most upset if he gets lost” said Ham Boy.

They scrambled up the beach into the pristine rainforest, which was surprisingly denser than it looked at first glance.

Rushing and scrambling every which way, it was no surprise that they all soon became separated and hopelessly lost.



Kerry had presently sat herself down on a log in a glade, to try and listen for sounds of the others, when out of the trees came a little fawn, with the torso and head of a man, but two legs and cloven hoofs like a goat. He had a little red cap on his head (to keep off the sun, for it was summer after all), with two little horns poking out the top. He gave little jump with a start when he saw Kerry sitting there.

“’sup?” she asked.

“Are…are you a daughter of Lisa? Or a son of Visionary?” the fawn asked.

“Well, I was his ward, but Dorkface is now my brother,” she said.

“Ohh!” squealed the fawn with delight. “A real little girl!” He trotted over to Kerry and started pawing at her. “Come, little girl, come with me to my den!” He was getting rough.

“Hey, hands off creep!” said Kerry, shoving him away. That only made him more intense.

“Come little girl, you must come with me back to my den, yes you must, you must.” He was groping pawing all over the place now, in a frantic attempt to get Kerry to go with him. Suddenly, his cap caught fire. “Eeeee!” He yelled, and ran off into the undergrowth.

“What a creep!” said Kerry.

Just then, Ham Boy and Fashion Accessory came running into the glade.

“Kez!” said FA, “We thought we heard you, come on, we’ve got to find the others.”

At that moment, the three Juniors heard a loud boom, which could only mean one thing.

“Harlagaz!” said Kerry, and they rushed off in the direction from which the boom had come.




To be continued?



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